You are struggling to realize the truth because you are caught up in the prison of your emotions and sentimentally involved with the physical Guru.
Until you remain in the prison of the emotion you will never be able to cross the threshold of the dualistic illusion.
Your physical Guru belongs to the universe, which is the dualistic illusion or Maya.
If you are seeking truth then you have to keep away from this Gurudom. If you hold the physical Guru as God and worship him then you are worshipping the illusion. You should not hold anything of the illusion as God.
You do not require the grace of the physical Guru. You will get the grace of the inner Guru when you fix your attention on the Soul by realizing the Soul alone is real and all else is an illusion.
If you are seeking truth you should not indulge in glorifying Gurus and yogis. Guru worship is meant for the religious and yogic path, not for the Gnanic path. You and Gurus and yogis belong to the dualistic illusion. Thus, their blessings and grace are bound to be illusory.
Yogis and Gurus are not Gods.
This idea of worshiping Guru as God is not a Vedic idea but adopted from Jainism and Buddhism.
Vedas bar human worship: ~
"They are enveloped in darkness, in other words, are steeped in ignorance and sunk in the greatest depths of misery who worship the uncreated, eternal prakrti -- the material cause of the world -- in place of the All-pervading God, But those who worship visible things born of the prakrti, such as the earth, trees, bodies (human and the like) in place of God are enveloped in still greater darkness, in other words, they are extremely foolish, fall into an awful hell of pain and sorrow, and suffer terribly for a long time.":~ (Yajur Veda 40:9.)
Then why worship and glorify the Gurus and Yogis (human form) in place of God when Veda bars such activities and also warns people who indulge in such activities to are enveloped in still greater darkness, in other words, they are extremely foolish, fall into an awful hell of pain and sorrow, and suffer terribly for a long time.
God exists prior to the form, time, and space. The form, time, and space cease to exist as a reality when wisdom dawns. Thus, the Gods and Gurus have no place in the domain of the Advaitic reality. Advaita is the nature of the Soul, which is the real God. Thus, Self-realization is the only way to God-realization.
By worshipping the religious Gods and Gurus one will not get Self-realization or God-realization.
The Soul, the inner Guru reveals ‘what is real’ and ‘what is unreal” when the seeker is receptive and ready.
Advaita is the inner revolution. If you are serious and sincerely seeking truth then you have to drop what is not needed in pursuit of truth.
Sage Sankara: ~ "Though I wear these robes of a Sanyasin, it is only for the sake of bread." (Select Works of Sage Sankara" also his commentary on Brihad)
Thus, the above passage proves that all those who wear the sanyasin robes are wearing them for the sake of bread belong to the religion; they have nothing to do with Self-knowledge or Brahma Gnana or Atma Gnana.
There is no need to criticize and condemn the Gurus, yogis, and swamis because they are needed for the welfare of the ignorant masses in the dualistic world.
The Guru is useless so long as the ultimate truth is unknown, and the Guru is equally useless when the ultimate truth or Brahman has already been known.
Guru is needed in the religious and the yogic path. There is no need for a Guru to acquire Self-knowledge
Sage Sankara says the transparent Truth of the Self, which is hidden by the illusion, is to be attained through the instructions of a knower of Brahman, (Gnani)
~ Then why stick to a Guru who is not a Gnani.
That is why Swami Vivekananda said: ~ “You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher, but your own Soul.
A person who has realized the ultimate truth or Brahman will throw off his religious robe and all religious identity and live like a commoner. He never identifies himself as Gnani nor does he identify himself as superior to others. He only shares his knowledge with fellow seekers.
A Gnani never identifies himself as a Guru or a Yogi or someone disciple. The one who accepts himself as a Guru or someone’s disciple is not a Gnani.
Ashtavakra Samhita: ~ "The man of knowledge (Gnani), though living like an ordinary man, is contrary to him, and only those like him understand his state.
A Gnani can point at the sky, but the seeing of the star is the seeker's own work.
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